Words, thoughts and pictures.

2010-09-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

i just feel like hurting myself today..

maybe just to ease the pain.

there we go again..

2010-09-15T19:32:00.002+08:00

whats god? nobody knows..

science merely sharpen our perception of god.. (or the perception of our god)..

god didnt create the universe. suck it up..

its just one of the many other Galileo phase in the history of mankind and his 'emotional/ spiritual bolster'..

it was never science vs god..

love transcends

2010-06-13T18:37:00.002+08:00

life is evil. cos

good things doesnt

and never last cos

evil always triumph

before good,

before evil again..

and love

exist parallel..

life is evil.

cos without evil there be no life.

but love transcends the living

2010-05-27T22:04:00.002+08:00

when everyone comes together

is happy with one another

as close together as i am to everyone one of them

while nothing else matters

and will stay as that forever

2010-05-21T22:29:00.000+08:00

No..
I'm smiling.
really..

how many, how many more..

2010-05-21T22:08:00.004+08:00

how many times have my post been complaining abt how lousy life is?

how many times have i rant abt all the hapless things happening to me?

and how many times have i tried to convey that energy inside of me to something you see on this screen?

... that... complex... complicated... animated... mixed of energy...

and now i give up.

nothing. nothing to be said.

swallow it like a man. like they say.

like every other man..

as if i'm born to do it...

as someone once said:
Life is about learning to live with it.

2010-05-09T18:53:00.003+08:00

iron man: great.. but not as great as the first.
ip man2: gotta watch it.
robin hood: for russel crowe.. gotta watch it
inception: anyone who knows me well, knows i gotta fucking watch it. i smell 'oscar'..

watch youtube trailer 3 of inception.

2010-05-09T18:38:00.000+08:00

i love yesterday.. i never wished anything more than it to last forever..

cos nothing really matters.. but you.. and only..

i love you dear..

2010-05-01T00:10:00.002+08:00

wtf.

i hate my mum.

why are all the mums in the world so annoying?

seriously? get a life. stop nagging at your kids. ITS COMPLETELY FINE TO HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABT.. fuck.

2010-04-30T23:29:00.002+08:00

face it. just face it.

2010-04-03T13:27:00.003+08:00

movies like this never fail to make me feel miserable about life..

i wanttttt..... sobs..

2010-03-28T17:41:00.001+08:00

why doesnt anyone understands.. how much it means to me to have one day more..

2010-03-28T16:29:00.002+08:00

It all started with a simple 8 missed call.. i shall explain why 8 missed calls are considered simple for this case..

1400 hrs. book out.
2230 hrs. sick.
140310
0030 hrs. home. 8 missed calls. received news to book in at 0500 hrs.
0501 hrs. ferry terminal.
0600 hrs. coy line. followed by breakfast.
0700 hrs - 0630 hrs. guard duty.
150310
0800 hrs. IMT. 'impt dont report sick'
160310
0930 hrs. reported sick.
170310
0530 hrs. range. status. cant do. sentry instead.
2000 hrs. coy line.
180310
0530 hrs. day 1. denied live range.
1230 hrs. range. sentry duty. no shifts.
190310
0045 hrs. sentry duty end. missed live range. totally.
0315 hrs. lights out.
.
.
.
260310
1930 hrs. book out. accept me.
270310 ( missed 1508 gathering, eclub chalet,.. +2 more)
0600 hrs. revile. RE - BTP.
1430 hrs. caught using phone in toilet. by cougar oc..
280310 ( missed 1508 gathering, eclub chalet,.. +2 more)
0700 hrs. book out. finally. no wait..
0830 hrs. cougar fucked up boat schedule. got on boat finally.
0845 hrs. cant contact dad.
0930 hrs. found dad. acc off his phone. cock up.
1005 hrs. home.

i should get an award..
FML.

2010-03-28T14:24:00.002+08:00

Powerful.
I love you.

2010-03-07T22:17:00.002+08:00

sometimes life feels like fucked up. like now.

results aside (though honestly its more than enough to screw things up real bad) 5-6 days a week we are screamed at by our sirs and sergents, and for me the other 1-2 days of the week, getting bombarded with questions from my bro and my mother..

give me a fucking break will you..

doubt so.. fuck you world.

2010-03-07T19:23:00.001+08:00

cos we're slow dancing in a burning room..

2010-03-05T16:33:00.000+08:00

the world wont end on 2012

it ended today.

2010-02-27T09:46:00.001+08:00

why you soo like that....

:(

2010-02-23T20:23:00.002+08:00

I miss taking a long bus ride to flora drive late at night after a walk at orchard road before heading back to serangoon..

i reallly do..

...

4 MORE DAYS TO 3RD BOOKOUT!

2010-02-19T19:57:00.003+08:00

wakakkakakakkakakaka

I LOVE LEARNET.. lol..

NS have been quite nice actually. my bunkmates are really nice to get along with and my sergents are relativity nicer to our platoon:)

well of cos it could be better if we get to go home everyday.. then i can see my dear gf..

ok wtf.. i got to fall in soon.. shall blog more later on.. waiting for my gf to call me when she's home.. :)

2010-02-10T10:49:00.002+08:00

freak!!!

omg..

im so freaking frustrated with myself right now.. i just smsed my gf a word 'tonight' and forgot to tell her to come online... and guess what i am online doing my e learning now.. argh.... im so dumb.

ok anyway.. NS have been quite ok so far much better than NP days really accept for the language of cos. which i dont really like them to do so. only i can do that no one else shud be. lol..

ok.. other than that, i fucking feeaking bloody painstakingly miss my GF. FUCKZ.

REALY REALLY REALLY REALLY RELARLEALRLARLEARLAELERARLAEAEYRLAYERLLYYYLYLLYLYLYYLYLYLELTLLRLEAYRLAYERLYALRYAELYRLAEYRLAEYRLAYERLYAELRLALLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MISS HER..

CANT WAIT FOR FRIDAY..

SO LONG.

BYE BACK TO E LEARNING.

i hope she comes online now.. *fingers cross*

2010-02-03T22:34:00.003+08:00

and that will be the last time i am going to wash my hair for the next 2 years cos im cutting my hair tmr..

No.. SHAVING MY HEAD TMR!! OHH H MYYYGAWDDDD..

i hate ns.

well at least i will have someone to think abt every night before i slp ;)

watch The Notebook just now today. great show. very touching. pure love story. And i just love this scene..

And now i have an addition to my dream home. previously it is just to have a nice big green patch of field for me to lie on to but now i want an additional private lake where i can roll my little oak boat to the middle and have some private time with my wife. and after all that we can have a nice picnic on that big field.

LOL fat hope...

have been working at guangyang primary school every mornig as a game booth facilitator for this healthcare event.. and omg.. its crazy. i have no idea what they feed the kids there with.. and the worse part of it all is that unlike adults customers you can scold them and curse them in your heart, my customers are just barely 10 years old.. and how am i supposed vent my frustration.. no wonder teachers go crazy so often..

respect..

alright.. apart from my work, i had great time the last 2 evenings though.. and i am really thankful for that. (:

GOING MASS DANCE TMR!!

2010-01-24T14:32:00.002+08:00

i felt like blogging but after 2 lines didnt anymore.. lol

2010-01-22T21:39:00.003+08:00

i looked into the mirror today and i felt horrile..

when will this end..

2010-01-20T22:41:00.002+08:00

i dont know what i want.

dont know...

2010-01-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

today.

I felt amazing today.

2010-01-14T20:26:00.003+08:00

and all this, all this im afraid will very much reflect my very future if any, in march.. where that alphabet on the slip of paper, whether i like or not and i probably wont, clinging on with my name, will cling on to my life..

2010-01-10T21:08:00.003+08:00

its like sometimes you feel like you're on top of the world
then sometimes you feel like you just fell off from that peak
all the way down to the lowest point you ever been
and not a soul was there to help you out
or was able to
then the next moment you're back on top again

and thats when you know and you're sure,
unexpected and different from what you had in mind,
thats it.

2010-01-09T16:17:00.005+08:00

im here cos feel like blogging..

there is smth thats bothering me for quite some time now i guess.. and i dreamed abt it just this morning.. not giving it away here and most probably not ever, but im giving one clue: politics.

yup politics. whats with all these people that are always so hungry for success and making things all so political? whats with all these people who chose to turn all their attention into politics and as a result hinder progress of the team? i hate those who uses politics to establish themselves and attain their goals be it short term or long term..

the world will be a much better place if politics doesnt exist.

then again so does religion like the 'allah' incident in malaysia.. like seriously come on.. if 'allah' means god in malay then so be it. it itself already 'means' a different meaning altogether when using. depending on who and when. isnt it? everyone's context of god is different. so why cant they just treat 'allah' as just a harmless word, god in malay?

then they could argue that 'allah' is like 'jesus' so it would be insulting to use that particular religion god's name.. then seriously.. get your god a proper name then.. have some creativity.. who names their god, god? you only refer to _____ as god. right? if not just treat as a pun silly!! give that word a break.. my god.. give 'allah' a break.

(wow i didnt know i have so much to say abt this lol)
and yeah i didnt put caps in this post cos
1) im lazy
2) i dont know when to at times. lol as stupid as it sounds.
sry if anyone is offended..

ok back to my point politics..

it has been bothering me a lot cos they judge me first. and i just notice it. or rather get bother by it.. noticed it long ago just didnt really bother/ was too tired to. yup.. and whats more they werent there at that crucial point in time.

dont even know the full story and jump into conclusions.
dont even know the full situation and players involve..
dont even know what happened before that.. then back to my point that those little details are actually the most important and determining one cos they are always too small to mention but collectively definitely carries much weight.

those idiots really got so much more to learn.. so who the fuck are they to judge me. i deserve some form of respect and more ok.. after all i have done and gave up for.. much much more then some.

alright..

hiaz... the world would be a much nicer place if there are no governments and religion. or rather one government and one faith. and maybe that will only happen after 2012.

and what makes it worse.. the governments and god always seem to be inseparable.. lol.

so long.. dinner time soon..

2010-01-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

i need to do smth to my life real soon..

smth got to happen..

k..

2010-01-06T19:52:00.002+08:00

doesnt it make you wonder..

nothing really matters..

2010-01-06T19:17:00.002+08:00

And ohh yeah!! cant wait!!

2010-01-06T18:35:00.004+08:00

sum up 2009.

2010-01-03T19:30:00.002+08:00

the fav pic i took for this holiday..

at the death railway, kanchanaburi thailand

im so proud of myself :) i spell that without any help

2010-01-03T19:02:00.003+08:00

ohh yeah.. finally. some peace and quiet..

my mum was nagging (and she semi-screams when she does that) the whole freaking day. until i cant really take it anymore and quarrelled with her. ok maybe i pushed her a bit.. and ok yeah i shudnt have done that.. but la la la i dont give a fuck.

i give up communicating with her. talk to her seriously she thinks highly of herself. try to get the message across with a light hearted manner, she thinks im not serious and obviously didnt listen. even now her irritating high pitch screamy voice is still in my head.. she has just gone for a shower.. the voice will start echoing the house again soon..

if only she isnt so full of herself and narrow-minded and lacks perspective.

honestly i dont think she is doing quite well as a mum.. doesnt make you much of a person even if ure having a sweet string of digits on your paycheck isnt it?
and of cos im not doing too well as a son too..
and the most worse of of all is my poor dad who actually gave up quite long ago and coose to keep silent most of the time..

argh.. im sorry im posting this.

2010-01-02T12:11:00.001+08:00

what if..
what if..
what if..

Im dead.. and screwed.

2009-12-30T21:22:00.003+08:00

BLOGGER SUCKS. Cant post pics again..

_|_

2009-12-30T18:27:00.001+08:00

today is a lousy day..

dragged myself to pack my room cos i promised to.. but all that was/is on my mind was last night..

i like it.

2009-12-27T14:18:00.003+08:00

glen. thai airways. bangkok. indra regent. 4 star shit. booked day tour. walked. amari shopping. siam. mbk. kanin. dinner. steamboat. duck noodles. swensens. obscenely cheap. shopped. clothes. back to hotel. slept. morn. tired. day tour. 2 hrs drive. floating market. boat. lifestyle. bought stuff. teak house. pow war memorial. hot weather. river kwai. death railway. lunch. walked on death railway. pow museum. back to hotel. another 2 hrs drive. booked half-day tour and calypso. took cab. ratchamari station. took sky train (their mrt). went eat me restaurant. gorgeous food gorgeous setting gorgeous atmosphere. cost me a bomb. went back hotel. morning. tired-er. temple. ok im getting bored.. temple then gem stones then late lunch at bak kum mae then shopping centre at chitlom then himali cha cha then calypso. then back to hotel. tmr morning sleep till very late. met up with kanin. pig trottle's. back to hotel. checked out. airport. did some chopping there. the pick elephant. left my passport at the shop. went back. found it. back to singapore.

too short i think..

2009-12-27T14:09:00.002+08:00

back from thailand. then tessarina bbq. then back home. slept. then rachel. then back to tessarina. stayed overnight. dad's side cousins. then woke up. visited a doc at beauty world. then glen house. then back home. afternoon nap. then first uncle's house. catered buffet. everyone's there. teased. cousin's daughter. mahjong. teased again. then back home. slept. then now. agrued with my mum. parents went out. at home. facebook. blog.

thailand was fun :)

2009-12-16T22:35:00.002+08:00

my mum had a huge fight with my bro..

and right after that i called you..

today is a fucked up day

2009-12-16T19:48:00.001+08:00

fine.. i need fashion advice alright..

after all a little highlighting sometimes does help right?

if only..

2009-12-13T15:24:00.002+08:00

this is tough.. tougher than i thought..

i cant accept changes. but changes will always happen..

i wish i was rich. like filthy rich. overnight..

then again it wont be the same then.

too many variables.. im scared..

2009-12-11T13:24:00.003+08:00

I AM BACK.

and tired..

Education system and climate aside, i realised i love singapore..

lol..

thank god i back.

Alright.. im damn bored..

firstly i cant believe i missed my pre-u prom cos of beijing.. im regretting alrdy.. seriously. didnt get back much from the trip.

pre-u sounds so.. i dunnoo.. weird? can u believe it i am actually a pre-u grad.. omg. sounds so old. lol..

oh ya.. my testimonal.. dammit.. wonder how and who am i supposed to get it from..

rachel isnt back yet.. and im bored.. and i dont feel like blogging anymore..

ok bye bye lol.. wanna slp..

2009-12-02T18:24:00.002+08:00

ohh fuck to add on..

i just got a letter from the air force telling me to go for this selection test on the 10th.. like fuck thanks man.. and i didnt even signed up for it the last time la.. why so like that??

wonder if junyang and thadd received it or not..

FUCK MY LIFE.

2009-12-02T17:41:00.002+08:00

im a screwed-up..

i really think so.

its like knowing that it will be fake when i smile

maybe just for the photo.. i dont know.

i dont know if i can stand everyone there.. and i dont think i could. and i still hate china ppl. immature, self-centered hypocrites.. the extreme kinds especially..

2009-12-02T15:46:00.002+08:00

im flying for beijing tonight.. exactly midnight..

dont really feel excited/ very happy abt it.. just normal. maybe slightly worse than normal..

didnt really want to go beijing. not with my family. and whats more i have been there before alrdy..

will be missing prom cos of that.. have to settle for bangkok at a not valuable price with glen.. and most importantly i will be missing you.. my god..

well just hope that i will be able to go for childaid later this month.. cant wait to come back from china..

all my bags are packed im ready to go..

2009-11-29T14:08:00.002+08:00

ohhh myyyy gawwwwddd.

im having my physcis paper 1 tmr and going china specifically beijing in 2 days time and i have one whole freaking long list of things-to-do and things-to-get..

1) start my freaking physics revision reallllllllyyyyy sooon and i really need this paper to pull up my paper 3 cos i think i screwed it up quite badly..

2) i have out grown my thermal wear for my beijing trip and many more trips to come and i have to get it by tuesday evening. die die if not i'll die frozen there..

3) i need one more pair of jeans!! most of my jeans are just simply too thin for a sub zero degrees celsius climate..

4) and of cos i need to pack my freaking luggage what to wear, phone charger, camera charger etc.. have always been the camera man for my family :)

5) finalised (hopefully if not at least confirm on the venue) my overseas trip with glen.. and i have yet to tell him that i have to be back by the 18th i guess.. he's gonna be pissed i know.. another wedding on the 19th.. was told last minute only.. dammit..

and on top of that.. i will be attending not 1 but 2 wedding dinners tonight..
well ok one is just a ROM at a hotel GRATZ MS TNG AND MR GAN!!
the other is just my cousins wedding dinner at marina mandarin GRATZ AH JUN GOR AND ERM.. THE BRIDE LA pai sei forgot your name..

...in any case im ubber screwed... someone just shoot me..

ok gn chiong physics now.. and have to relay to the class again cos the pw leaders arent really doing their job properly enough.. and the stupid 5 girls in our class got an individual present for ms tng and mr gan alrdy.. now i guess i everyone have to play abt what $5 more?? and it will like look so bad on our class.. haiz..

they gn make noise i know..

but seriously if anyone deserve to make the loudest noise i shud be me lor!!! stupid saikang job.. lol

and i dont think i will be eating much there la.. need to save space for the wedding dinner later.. lol

okok gtg...

FIZIKS FTW.

okok shud be a happy day today wedding ppl!!

2009-11-27T21:16:00.002+08:00

innocence knowledge saturation perspective

...

magnified yet with a blind spot

2009-11-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

i love this..
:)

2009-11-22T00:49:00.001+08:00

uniquely similar
brilliantly boring
we are..

as of worlds
with pain and sufferings
dynamic yet constant

constantly indifferent

Gao luk -ed

2009-11-18T21:45:00.002+08:00

Which are you?
1) Being up there once, then falling all the way down.
2) Or struggling to be up there, yet still here till now.

.
.
.

Im both. How 'bout tat yoz...

Da legend..

2009-11-18T19:46:00.002+08:00

At 4:00
damn..

2009-11-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

HELLO!!! sry for the MIA bloggy lolxx

anw first paper tmr.. jaiyou everyone.

blogging every now and then shall catch up and update my life after A's alright

tata

i was forced to type smth here.. just to make some sad idiot happy

2009-10-04T01:16:00.001+08:00

now how am i gonna slp tonight...

Blogging tmr.

2009-09-28T14:42:00.001+08:00

fear
of awareness
but believing
it

jaw droppin'

2009-09-23T15:34:00.002+08:00

When you thought thats crazy..

My new crush.. lol..
She's only 15. and what was i doing at 15? burning paper using OHP and getting into trouble attempting to steal intellectual property from a teacher's labtop.. lol..

chem and physics tmr jiayou everyone..

:)

2009-09-21T11:33:00.002+08:00

i shud be studying. like realllllyy.. fuck.

2009-09-19T21:43:00.004+08:00

No idea why im here..

stuck with econs without much progress for the past 3 days..

had GP 2 days before. Felt like yesterday only. Screwed it up..

ran into trouble with mr tong again.. whats new. no idea what he's thinking half of the time. as if giving me more inconvenience does much help / solves my problem.

in a daze most of the time now... just living life without thinking much about the future the present the past. think less do more yeah?

Finishing math exams by next week. along with one paper for the other 3 subjects..

everybody seems like full steam ahead. except me.. scary thinking about it.

right stopping here.

think less do more yeah? yeah..

bye

2009-09-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

Strain
Stress
Breathless..

2009-09-07T11:14:00.000+08:00

Where days crawl like years
And years fly like seconds.

Changes remain it the same.

2009-09-03T19:48:00.000+08:00

Your world the big loud world the world most of you live in.
Many other smaller worlds. Small quiet little clusters. And it gets smaller. Then
My world. Not the only one with only one. Living along side. But
Unseen. Unheard. Untouched.
Watching. Observing. Smiling..
And crying.
Still.

2009-08-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

Ok so i was bored again right.. And was thinking abt my clubbing plans on my birthday. And i was thinking of a pick up line (if i ever have a chance of using it). Lol here goes.

Me: hey i really wish i could steal smth from you right now.
Hot girl: huh? Err.. Ok.. What is it?
Or in some case just 'huh?' and waits for elaboration.
Me: i wish i could steal your heart.. (pause long enough for her to feel the pause but before she can react to anything then say) ...The way you just stole mine.
Timing is everything.
Lol! I am really bored alright..

Ok shud really slp soon.. 18 days left. It seems just yesterday that it is 33. And today wasnt very productive.. Tuition was a waste of time and money.. Lots of updates actly. But screw it. Gp lect tmr morning..

Tata..

My hope, my pleasure, my pain

2009-08-29T00:12:00.004+08:00

How do i be myself when i'm with you
You stole my heart without much zeal
And still i'm offering it like a fool
Letting you look into me
through and through
Still not giving up chasing you
On this cruel hedonic treadmill
I don't know the source of such a will
I wish i could just give you the chill
To be heartless, but still
I never fail to be vulnerable to you
Till the day this weakness reaches absolute nil
My hope remains that one day
You would feel the same way ar me too
Only then will my very wounds be healed
And that void in me be finally filled
Thats my heart by the way
So please stop that flame
Stop sizzling that grill

Inspired by ryan haha! To no one in particular.. To all the hot girls i've seen before. Lol! I am really bored right now.. Just did my long overdued compre. The one on paradox of happiness. So pardon the 'hedonic treadmill'...
Hope you like it. Comes from the heart k..

Goodnight. :)

2009-08-28T10:20:00.001+08:00

Tell me did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the milky way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there

And did you finally get a chance
To dance along the light of the day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there

2009-08-26T04:15:00.000+08:00

You dont choose who your heart follows
You follow who your heart chooses.

im giving up on blogger soon

2009-08-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

Blogger fucking sucks. Stop limiting my freedom of expressions..
I wanna fucking murder something right now.

2009-08-21T01:55:00.002+08:00

may your smile (may your smile)
shine on (shine on)
dont be scared (dont be scared)
your destiny will keep you warm...

take what you need and be on your way and stop cryin' your heart out..
stop crying your heart out..

right. goodnight.. for real this time..

2009-08-21T01:39:00.002+08:00

I realise i haven blog for a while now.. Lots of updates.. Blogged last week on my phone actly. But my phone hanged towards the end.. Piss the shit out of me. Lost everything. And so did all my rants.

Using my phone agn.. Try to put some things down before i forget.

Last last week. National day? Right? Just rmb that. Nth else actly. Lol.

Last week. Sick the whole bloody week. The usual. Flu cough fever. Felt like shit really.. And now this week suffering the consequences. Lots to catch up. Like really lots.. On top of that tuition.. And before you know it. Its friday today.. Crazy week. And getting crazier. And damn its stressful alright. But i shall not stop smiling:)

Today started ok. Went quite well. But ended on a low note..

Right thats it. Gd night:)

2009-08-07T22:26:00.003+08:00

Cos at this stage we are old enough to know more and more how less and less perfect our parents are and yet still remain that young to think change is possible despite being told otherwise..

And we fight on..
Till the next stage.

2009-08-04T04:18:00.000+08:00

ok the toolbar is up..
Went to search for some photos online. Found quite a few.. Then realise the toolbar is just for show. Bloody hell. I am soo expressions deprived.

Check out the timing yo!!

Slpt for 4 hours just now.
Fb for an hr or so..
Fb should be ban by the MDA real soon.

Kzz back to slp..

2009-08-02T17:13:00.003+08:00

omg i tired the crushbot on fb and omg.. its damn scary.

I am not going to facebook so much anymore..

Argh!! omg..............

Dont tag me anymore!!

Ok thaddeus i knew you were gay all along!!

[add-ons at 6]
OMG and the stalker check lol...

Kangting stalks me.. LOL
and so does alien ahahhah!!
Eunice just stalks everyone la..
And my evil kwek twin Kwek Junyang say what internet spoil.. no1 stalker on my list.
Close friends i dont mind la.. *winks gayly at ryan*

[add-ons at 6:15]
OMG and the sexbot.. ok.. omg..
If i am bisexual i will have sex with justin LOL
I wonder why he qualify.. hmmm...
If i am gay.. guess what.. Thaddeus..
Seriously thadd.. hiaz..

2009-08-02T15:20:00.002+08:00

Woke up yesterday smiling.
Went to slp dying.

Woke up today emoing.
And here i am..

Updatess..
Late on monday.
Late on tuesday.
Went for the commando check up on wed. Took the whole day. Unknowingly put combat engineer as first choice. Saw amny familiar faces there. like really many. From sji to yfc to tjc to primary school and to even tuition.
Late on thursday.. But hell yeah mann.. I love GP tuition.
Late on friday.. Totally sick of mr tong. Sick of sch. Sick of going to sch late. Having that i-shouldnt-be-in-tjc-feel again.

Yesterday i had the nicest dream i have ever dreamed. It was a dream of perfection. Everything in my life was perfect. Not great, nothing big but just right. Perfect. And that, i realised is all that i ask now. I just want to be like any other guy on the street. With a family, with a lover, taking things one step at a time. Nothing great abt it, but perfect, for me. Ok maybe thats not like any guy on the street.. And ofc having said that, nothing is perfect. And i came to know that reality the moment i woke up. But, well, i at the very least smiled.
The day went on.. blah blah blah.. ya ya threw the newspaper.. new math tuition.. THEN JTS. lots to say abt it.. But as a whole i guess.. yay? i dunno. dun care.

this morning was crap. up till now. then it will be crap again i think.
Well at least i got this frm my dear friend Ryan:
A cute poem he wrote for his crush. On da spott
Enjoy b4 he forces me to remove it!!

Here i am in a room so cold
And i feel so alone
A thought crosses my mind
And i cant help but shudder; its chilling to the bone

I begin to ponder about the perfect mate
And after awhile i knew the type i would like to date

She'd be the kind who'd be so cool with her phrase "are you serious?"
Which would make me crush on her until i was delirious

She would have with her the cutest eyes, albeit with slight myopia
But they're so perfect that when i look at them i'll wish we'll never be too far

She'd have all the nice traits of being understanding and kind
And she'd have the guts to speak her mind
Oh yes! i think that's the sign!

The perfect one, the one for me
I wish for her to appear right now for the world to see

Just give me a moment's thought - oh hey!
I think i know a girl like that
Her name is __________(3 syllables including surname that rhymes with 'hey')!!
[ok he didnt mind and he wanted me to improvise it - improvised]

He doesnt take lit.

How i wish i could do that.. But then again no.. Words are too shallow, lines skin-deep.

2009-07-24T19:54:00.001+08:00

My mum isnt perfect.
Not even close. But trust me on this i love her.

I love her
Not just cos she is my mum
Its not that simple.

When one finally learns to like the other, though flawed, its deep.
Real deep.
Deeper than you think.

There is no need for comparison.
There is no room for comparison.

Its a total different playing field altogether.

I hope you understand.

I hope you understand

That its just simply, that..

But its also too complicated.
and words fail me..
as always..

..fail me as always.

2009-07-23T23:18:00.005+08:00

Wtf.. wtf is wrong with blogger?!?
Is their server dying or what??
Get it fix man..

Ok anw, today's my lucky day even though i wasnt really productive in my work. I picked up $5 outside revenue house at novena just now LOL.. It was nicely seasoned by car tyres. Found it near one of the drains at the zebra crossing. Revenue house lei.. How ironic can that be..

I am planning to donate all the money away cos i believe in karma. Yup i dont believe in God but i believe in KARMA.. Muahahahah.
And i hopefully there is such a thing as the karma multiplier effect.
OMGGG cant wait for my next lucky phase.

K back to prison break.. 2 episode today :)

Blogger SUCKS

2009-07-21T00:19:00.001+08:00

Blogger sucks man...
The toolbar buttons became invisible..
Great.. just when i feel like blogging..

Just a fast one.

2009-07-19T19:31:00.003+08:00

1) Talking to my mum alrdy!!:)
hiazz i am such a lousy son. She didnt even mention enything. She just started talking to me and pass me some money. OMG. I didnt even say a word when i took the money. Didnt even look at her. Neither did she.. I was just shocked and speechless..

2) I am freaking behind time dammit.
I am supposed to finish my JCT topics revision for math by this week.. But i havent even get pass stats yet. SIAN. And my weekly gp homework from Ms Nor. 7:40pm sunday still not started..

3) SGC.
Freak. Supposedly by friday. Ask for extension till today. Haven started.

Not going to touch fb i promise.. not today.
Do my SGC dammit.
Do my GP.
Finish up my math to a certain point.
lets go..

mute

2009-07-14T21:18:00.001+08:00

I just wanted to talk
thats it
thats all

2009-07-10T12:09:00.002+08:00

I dunno why i am here mann..

Woke up today and felt like shit. So decided to skipped sch and get more sleep lol.

Nothing much today anw 3 periods of physics and econs lect (which if you ask me i find it totally useless And i just dont want to know how i fare for physics this time round)

Wasted my whole morning sleeping and blog hopping. Before i forgot.. WANTING INVITE ME!!

Glad to know that many of my other sji friends are doing well where ever they.
Met up with Trin, Meng Kiak and Justin the other day. They sure are the same, yet changed so much.

And to those friend in poly. Holy mother cow.. They seem soo happy and yet, erm, shallow? I dunno. Jealous of them and yet pity them at the same time. Hopefully its just their blogging personality. Like mine EMO! LOL.

Quite songs deprieved this few days.. Nothing muhch really hooks me these days. Here are a few:

21 Guns - Greenday
Ayo Technology - Milow
Should've said no - Taylor swift

Yup some arent really new.

Would like to end off with this cos i love it too much:
Logic is a feeble reed, friend. "Logic" proved that airplanes can't fly and that H-bombs won't work and that stones don't fall out of the sky. Logic is a way of saying that anything which didn't happen yesterday won't happen tomorrow.

Sry for the plagiarism hope you dont mind and thanks Mo.

Lets defy logic today.

2009-07-10T11:18:00.002+08:00

What if i tell you there is nothing up there?

Kenneth Kwek

2009-07-08T17:30:00.004+08:00

First period of the term. No before the first period of the term. I was singled out along with my other classmate. Why? Cos i need one to one math attention every week.

So first period was math. Oh yeah bottom in the class.... AGAIN. Havent learn my lesson of cos. Yes bottom in the class. YES AGAIN. YES KENNETH KWEK HERE.

Second period, chemistry. My friend got his results back first. I peep. It was a 13 upon 60. Which is really bad, anyone can tell that. That alone was like a blade being stabbed into me. Into my hope. My hope of just failing the paper properly and decently. So i was thinking, ok i wont be that bad.. Right?
RIGHT.. As i was walking towards the teachers table, every step i took feels like the blade dragging across, the very blade that was still deep in there, dragging steadily across. And every step i took, the blade slows down, sadistically. When i finally saw my result, the blade sort of stopped at the end. Just for a moment. Like murderer admiring the facial expression of his victim the moment before death. Then snap that into 2.
That process was worse than death itself, i swear. Death has never seemed so relieving before.
Than there was a sudden silent within me. My whole world stop spinning and i was deaf and mute for a while. My legs, hands and my whole body suddenly forgot what to do. Then i said, "I'm sorry Ms Tng.." And walked away in shame. Walking has never felt so weird before.

So? Bottom in class. Not surprising. Not only am i bottom in the class, the next guy is like 10 marks away from me. 10 marks is approximately 50% of my score by the way if you were wondering. I have no idea why i took the paper in the first place.

And that, was my first 2 period of the day, the week, the month, the term, the semester.

And yes if i may repeat, this kenneth kwek here. The godly and whatever fuck math and science student in sji 423. Well... was. And A levels is in like what? 4 months? Ok no wait... 3 and a half months. I still remember how confident i was when i was doing my O levels. By this time of the year during O levels, i was pretty sure of where i really stand and almost everything already. For some subjects i was even ready to take it there and then. No fear, no stress. But now i am not even close. I cant even smell it.

Never in my sji years have i ever failed math.
Never have i not been able to rise up to the occasion.
Never. Ever. Have kenneth kwek, been so pathetic in his math and chem for the pass 11 years of his education in singapore.
Never. EVER. Until today, 8/7/2009.

In sji, i used to do all my tutorials or what was known as homework. Handing up late of cos, but really, better late than never. Really. In tj, NO HOMEWORK. WOW. So i self-promote to the next stage, just simply NEVER.

8/7/2009 marks an important of my life, at least for now. Cos on this very day, Kenneth kwek finally woke up from his long slumber and shallow mindset. Always thinking that at the end of day everything will be alright. Always thinking that he is smart enough to be able to pull through at the end of the day. Always looking for short cuts and doing the bare minimum to achieve his aim. And kept thinking that he is smart cos he is able to achieve success just by doing the bare minimum.

Guess what, i think this guy is not only stupid but also fucked up.
Who is the right mind will risk his entire future and life just aiming to meet minimum requirements, and thinking that he will rise up to the occasion and perform as well as the rest at the end day? And still claim that he is smart. Still thinking he is intelligent. WOW. RETARD.

Yes on the surface he is smart. Well thats what many say. Thats what many IQ shit tests have revealed. But honestly, i think he is the dumbest, stupidest and the most moronic guy ever.
WHY?
Cos he chose to struggle at the eleven hour EVERYTIME, WITHOUT FAIL, just to be an average guy. Just to be an average guy, can u believe it?
If this goes on, that will soon be the only thing he doesnt fail. Really soon..

Thats the kenneth kwek now for you.

Now for some motivation..

BORED.

2009-07-05T15:46:00.004+08:00

Set things right.

1) I shall be a chao mugger from now on.

2) I shall not break my first rule.

3) I shall uphold my second rule.

4) I shall practice feasibility. LOL

The cold war at home is in full swing..

Target for the day: pack my table and files since i am so free and home alone :(

2009-07-04T13:45:00.001+08:00

not visible.
shelter.

yet nakedly insecure.

Tracks of my tears.

2009-07-04T13:26:00.003+08:00

I hate them. I hate the world.

Not you, the world.
No one really cares.

I hate crying.

Its a sign of weakness.
Its a sign of regret of what i said.

And i shouldnt.

Cos i mean it.

Yes i mean it.

Though i dont mean it literally,
i mean it.

I am really sorry but i mean it.

You are selfish after all.

Maybe thats what life is all about.
Maybe if i were you i would do the same too.

Yeah really, maybe.
Cos its totally logical and practical.

We are all selfish after all.

And there can only be one selfish person.
Thats the problem..

You gave love a unit.

2009-07-02T19:34:00.002+08:00

I cant seem to post pictures what the hell......

Math tmr.

2009-07-01T20:04:00.002+08:00

Have been mugging for the whole of last week or so it seems.

Really disappointed with myself.

Econs on monday.
Screwed it up i think.

GP yesterday.
Screwed it up. Dont need to think.

Chem today.
Raped.
Page to page, question to question. Every question, every page, raped. Again and again and over again. And kept alive just to see it through and get ready for physics tomorrow and math the day after. And the consequences of the rape next week.

Why am i alive..

da king.

2009-07-01T19:00:00.002+08:00

!!!

Michael Jackson died. AND I HAVENT EVEN BEEN TO ONE OF HIS CONCERT!
Who dares say they can sing that well?
Who dares say they can dance that well?
Who dares say they can sing and dance that well, at the same time?
MICHAEL.
Made the whole world scream grabbing his crotch.
MICHAEL.

Even my maid came up to me to show concern over his death.
My maid never talk to me about anything.
When there were riots in her homeland, nothing.
When her son was sick, nothing.
When Obama was elected, nothing.
Bombings, terrorism in her homeland, NOTHING.
MJ died, "Michael Jackson die already hor? So fast.." stunned..
Just shows his influence..
I dont even think my maid knows who Bill Gates is. Or Beckham. Or Brad Pitt. Or even her grandparents full name.
Yet MJ lives in her heart..

I will miss you.

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Gone too soon.
R.I.P
Missing you already..

2009-06-17T00:54:00.001+08:00

Obscure desire.
Testing waters.
Human nature.
Lovely picture.

2009-06-15T14:44:00.000+08:00

It breaks your heart.
It makes things a mess.
And i'm not here to make things perfect.
The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect, not me.
Not us.
We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.
And the world will continue spinning.

):

2009-06-05T12:07:00.003+08:00

The wrinkle.
The pressure.
The vein.
The colour. Loud.
Fast.
The moment.

2009-06-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

Painfully holding on.
For once, time makes it worse.

2009-06-05T00:48:00.002+08:00

More pictures from now on.

Pictures are good.
Saves time.
And sort of practice message discrimination to the anyone reading my blog.
Hope you can relate to it as much as i do.

:) My 100th post i think, minus off all my private drafts..

2009-05-31T22:39:00.002+08:00

holidays...

We are all blind.
And we outcast the enlightened.

2009-05-25T23:37:00.002+08:00

Weee hahhah
missing my emo space..

Here's for all emos out there.

Last week of school weee heee.
Ok there is nothing much to be happy about. But i sure love sleeping late man!!
Cant remember the last time i slept pass 10, like i used to do every weekends during sec school.
4 more days sexy.

It takes the one to have the other

2009-05-14T12:51:00.003+08:00

seriously..

1st mistake: Getting into tjc.
2nd mistake: Not joining a sports pdp.
3rd mistake: Getting into EClub.

.

Not this way.

2009-05-13T22:08:00.002+08:00

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns arent lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

-Dorothy Parker

2009-05-12T19:58:00.003+08:00

I am totally sian today. Like really. Totally. Sian.
I am down for detention tomorrow again. I knew i shouldnt have come to TJC. I shouldnt even be here. I am a living mistake.

Its not only fact that i have to waste 2 hours of my time fucking around in the detention room, i have to leave half way during college clean up and skip an important eclub meeting just for it. Of cos there are more problems why i feel this way but i just dont feel comfortable blogging about..

So right now i feel like
1) Dying
2) Stopping time and just spend the rest of my life alone in this world literally.

Here is how my thought goes.

Why am i feeling this way?
Its just me. Its mostly my fault.

Why do i fault?
Cos i am forced to do things i dont like. I just dont feel like doing it.

Why am i not learning to like things more?
Cos there is just no one and nothing that can really make me happy.

Why so?
Cos i am in this stupid education system.

Why is it stupid?
Cos this is Singapore.

Why is Singapore this way?
Cos we are forced to do this in order to survive golablly. We are all living in a screwed up world.

Why is this world so screwed up?
Cos it has always been like that ever since man dominated the world.

Why must it be this way?
Cos man sucks. We are just simply selfish.

How to solve the problem?
We should all just die together.

There will not be any global warming.

Nature will take its course.

There will still be deaths but everything will be alright.

We should all just die.

Think of it. Imagine half of Africa's population dies overnight. Better still those who are HIV positive. They will be out of poverty, they will be out of hunger.
And those aids family members who cannot get over the deaths of their love ones should die too. Then no one will feel sad because of them. The world will be a better place.
So well same theory. Something along that line.

Faith? Faith is crap. Its just a lie to comfort people like me and to stop people like me from killing myself. At the end of the day, for all you know, you die and thats it. Nothing happens. What you did or not do when you are alive doent even fucking matter. So why care.

Even as i am blogging, my mum is like flustering around checking on my bro (he is having his mid years right now) andbeside me is just these stacks of files, notes, scrape paper. Filed, unfiled, the partially file and the just-sorted-out..

And i have no one to talk to..

Sure there are people on msn. Sure they are my friends. But most of them only knows a part of me. Be it the general side of me (the what i want most people to see me as side), the deeper side of me or the deepest side of me, there are people i can talk to. But i just dont have that very one person that know almost everything about me. Not even my mum. Not even dad. Not even my bro. Not even you. Not even me.
I need someone to tell me about me. What a joke.

8:28pm nice number. Goodluck.

2009-05-11T19:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was great. Went to Sze Wan's house which is like all the way in tampines for my class BBQ. The place was quite quiet and the weather was cooling. I bbq-ed all the way and i ate quite a lot. Having a little sore throat right now. Reached home after 12 midnight. Sort of like walking in my neighbourhood alone at night.

And who gives a damn about that damn mas Selamat shit hole. He has been on the front cover for the past few days. Seriously i dont give a damn about him.. And tell me something i dont know. More attention should be given to other concerns of the world (Obama and his policies) than that guy.. Come on.

Wasted many hours thesse few days sleeping. Really have no idea why. Manage to keep myself off the computer but my mind just keeps wondering about. Tried to study math this afternoon but i ended up reading 5 pages in like 3 hours.. So now i am left with my GP compre, GP homework, Physics SPA to study (which i really have to this time cos skill A can pretty much really screw things up) and Math RE-test tmr. Yes RE-TEST.. Oh ya and the eclub write-ups. I hope Melissa writes something really nice about me. haha.

As for eclub, seriously, why the hell do we need to need to form the new committee by 29th May?!?

Ok enough of the ranting.

Eminem new songs:
We Made You
Old Time's Sake
I prefer We Made You more.

Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
Climb with me

Sucks

2009-05-08T22:32:00.005+08:00

Its a sad day today.
But i guess, like always, life sucks.

Life is hard.

Life sucks.

But life sucks not cos it is hard

It sucks cos you hope it will get better

But it didnt.

It sucks cos when you thought that it could not have been worse it became worse.

It sucks cos you think you are happy but you realised every now and then you are not at all one bit..

And you can only think you are happy.

It sucks cos it forces you to enjoy the past, which actually felt like pain and sufferings then.

Life sucks.

But not cos it is hard, cos u never knew that it was this hard.

2009-05-07T22:44:00.009+08:00